Sylvia Wynter's Dream

Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down…

I’d like to describe myself as a fun-loving, energetic person. Maybe you wouldn’t, especially if you’re seeing me for the first, second, third, fourth – okay it takes a while to see it. The point is that those closest to me will attest that this is my true nature. However, this was not always my story.

Until around 4th form, I was celebrated as a high achiever (and most often the highest achiever) in academic circles. My name was etched in the listing of those on the Principal’s Honour Roll and I was no stranger to being celebrated at prize-giving ceremonies. I felt superior knowing that I continuously scored the highest average out of nearly 200 students. In 3rd form, however, when it was time to choose the subjects that I would sit at the CSEC level, I did the unexpected: I chose the business subjects instead of the science ones.

What? Where’s the Chemistry, the Biology, and the Physics?

Well if you’re not doing the sciences, I don’t know why I took it up on myself to do them.

Reactions to my decision to do business instead of the sciences

It was unimaginable because my peers saw business as the easy way out. In fact, it was suggested that all the “dunce” students were in the business class. Not me though; I was determined to show them that this was not the case.

I tried. For the first half of 4th form, I retained my status as the top student but by its end, I had been relegated to second place by – you guessed it – a science student. She was always on my heels, that one. What happened, you ask? Extra-curricular activities, a dramatic weight gain, and killer anxiety were key contributors to my downfall. I felt burdened by the stigma of being in the business class while desperate to show the world that I was there only because I liked math and not because I was lazy. Unfortunately, it was all downhill from there as I never regained my top position. Sure, I had averages in the 90s and was still on the Principal’s Honour Roll but I lost myself the day I realised my 91-point-something average was only good enough for second place. My identity was wrapped up in my academic prowess. I had nothing now.

What now? Who am I if not the top student? What is my purpose?

My thoughts upon being dethroned as top student

It was after this that I began to take myself seriously as a Christian. After all that Jesus has done for me, I found it dastardly to take advantage of His goodness and not serve Him. Hearing how He prevented my mother from being smothered by a filing cabinet and seeing how He provided for my family while most of us were unemployed stirred up a desire to serve the One who gave His life for me – for us all. This revelation came while I was listening to “Make Room” by Jonathan McReynolds.

In drawing closer to God, I found myself. I realised through His word that I was crafted in His image and that He knew me even before He formed me in the womb. Psalm 139 tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and through Him, I’ve lost all feelings of worthlessness and now live a life where I depend on Him and find purpose.