Sylvia Wynter's Dream

BLOG POST #2- Javeir H.

With those profound words of my favourite poet and writer, Rupi Kaur, it becomes evident how delicate yet resilient the human heart can be. Since the tender age of two, my heart has carried the weight of a tragic loss—the passing of my father. This loss served as a defining moment in my life, a crucible in which my identity was both shattered and forged, ultimately shaping the person I am today.

Despite the passing years, I often find myself lost in thoughts of what might have been had my father’s life not been cut short. These reflections evoke deep emotions, especially when I witness the presence of fathers at family gatherings.

I was the only child that he had and it makes me sad knowing that he was a great father who worked hard to successfully provide for his only child. Yet, the world is such a cruel place filled with cruel people who ripped my father away from me before he could witness the great, successful, admirable, and beautiful daughter that he has brought into this world. The pain of this loss serves as a poignant reminder of the pervasive crime and violence that plagues Jamaican society, where innocent lives are unjustly taken, leaving shattered families and a legacy of enduring trauma.

At the tender age of two, I experienced a great demise, I often asked Mom about him with sad, teary eyes. My tiny, fragile, oh so innocent heart, got ripped to pieces when we were torn apart, I wish, I wish, I wish that we could get a restart,

That he could have held me for even a while longer and mend my broken little heart. I wish that he was there for my first day of primary school, or to teach me simple stuff like how to be a lady and the golden rule,

Oh, the hearts of men are so wicked and cruel—

Who would have thought that his “friends” would have left him in his own personal pool as red as wine? As I grew, I shredded my innocence like a cozy, charismatic coat worn thin; Just a broken, little girl that the actions of men left her to feel empty within.

Ever since that day my life changed forever, but I know that he still watches over me from the heavens above. As his spirit guides me through some of my greatest endeavors, I know that he is here with me through each moment of joy or pain.

He is my guardian angel— my smile through moments of sadness, and my sunshine during the rain, his ethereal essence envelopes me into a warm embrace like the rising sun with its radiant smile. I miss you dearly Dad, I wish I could vent to you for hours as I cry and have you hold me for a while just to whisper like Bob Marley and tell me that “everything is gonna be alright.”

But I know that he is always by my side… so, in this thing called life I have already won; even though he is no longer alive.

The concept of time seems so surreal to me- I still find it extremely hard to accept that it has been 20 years since my father left this world. I strongly believe that time does not heal because I still suffer the pain of not knowing him and sadly, that feeling intensifies every day. Each day I wonder what life would have been like if he was still alive; I know that he would have been one of my biggest supporters. I always aim to make him proud in whatever I do, I will carry on his legacy and keep his name alive, he will always be in my thoughts (and my purse) as I carry a picture of him with me wherever I go. #FlyHighH.H.