Sylvia Wynter's Dream

the first time we meet you asked me what is your name? my name is Miska; Mista? no Miska; Miska with a “k”; oh Miska! then you ask me where are you from? are you from India? no I’m jamaican; really? yeah I was born and raised in jamaica; are your parents from india? no they were born in jamaica too; another jamaican asked one jamaican if she was really jamaican; was she born in jamaica? or was she visiting jamaica? what makes a person jamaican? is it her skin colour? the amount of melanin shown? does it have to be a certain darkness? is it her hair? does it have to be a certain length? does it have to be a certain thickness? does it have to have a certain texture? is it the way she carries herself? does she have to speak a certain way? does she have to have a certain accent? does she have to use a specific type of slang? should she only talk patois? walking along the street familiar strangers call to me; Indian! Coolie! Brownin’! familiar strangers from school, home, and in my community; rename me; you ask me what is your name? my name is Miska; Mishka? okay; no my name is Miska; Miska with a “k”; oh; but you still call me Mishka again anyway; it doesn’t matter because even my family members call my name the same way; no one calls me by my name, you should call me by my name, I want you to call me by my name; what is the meaning of your name? I don’t know; what’s your name again? Miska; Misha? No Miska; Miska with a “k”; what does your name mean? my dad named me; it’s a russian name; I don’t know what it means; I am a jamaican, born in an indian family, with a russian name; today we are introducing ourselves and the meaning of our names; Mishka what does your name mean? Miska is a russian unisex name; it means baby bear; I am a jamaican, born in an indian family, with a russian name that means baby bear; you start to call me little bear; hi nice to meet you what’s your name? my name is Miska; Mishka; No Miska; Miska with a “k”; Oh Mishka; what does your name mean? the hebrew meaning of Miska is gift from god; I am a jamaican, born in an indian family with a russian name that means baby bear, and its hebrew meaning of gift from god; but no one calls me by my name, you should call me by my name, I want you to call me by my name; how do your grandparents call you? my maternal grandpa calls me Missy Pooh; my maternal grandma calls me Dahlie or Bitchia; my maternal grandma can’t speak properly so she gave me a unique name that only she calls me; but she tries to call me by my name; I never got to meet my paternal grandparents; they were gone before I arrived; they never called me by my name because they did not know my name; I never got to hear them call me by my name; now I only call them by their name; Frederick and Lillian; I never call them grandpa or grandma; does it bother you that I never call them my grandparents since I only refer to them as your parents? even if it doesn’t bother you, it bothers me; but only you and my siblings and my nephew call me by my name; no one calls me by my name, you should call me by my name, I want you to call me by my name; I think if I met them, and they met me, and we knew each other, that they also would have called me by my name…