The text is a continuation of the video as I did not have any space to post the full 20 mins.
Well enough about everyone else for a second, I wanna focus on my own identity and how Trauma plays into it. I usually tell people this because in a weird way I look back on it as a funny moment even though there’s literally nothing funny about it but I vividly remember as a child being held at gunpoint. It happened when I was like 5. I remember it was pitch black, me and my mom had just came back from somewhere, idk where but I know we were coming back from somewhere. I remember her struggling to find the keys. As she was looking I saw a man on a bicycle ride up to us and told us “Don’t move”. Well you know since I’m a kid I aint got a single clue what the hells going on but my mom, she was shaking and this was the most terrified I’ve ever seen her look. She was mumbling her words, the keys were jiggling. It just felt like her whole body was stuttering, and the man grabbed my arm, pointed the gun at me and told her to hand over her phone or I guess I was gonna get popped. I was a kid, I didn’t know I was in danger and stuff so it didn’t register to me that, yea, I coulda died that day.
Why is it important to me? Well I was reading an article by Yuka Kamite and her peers that said “evidence from qualitative research suggests that in young adulthood, in the aftermath of trauma, the identity is constructed through the lens of traumatic experiences, that can shape the understanding of oneself in both negative and positive way” this specific line spoke to me. Because I never realized until highschool how being held at gun-point made me have a very strong reaction to threats, even small things. Like whenever someone looked as if they were about to hit me, I would completely guard myself, sometimes They don’t even need to fully raise their hand for me to go full defense mode. And for a while, it made me wonder if I was like a coward. For the majority of highschool I thought I was a scaredy cat or something. It didn’t really feel good because it really affected my confidence, you know. So, for me personally it really showed how trauma can shape one’s identity BUT it doesn’t have a permanent effect ya know. You can break out of certain habits with effort and consistency, so while I still do kinda flinch at certain things, it isn’t as bad as before.
WELL, THAT WAS PERSONAL, I wanted to talk about one last thing before I ended this. And that is about actual amnesia, and no I don’t mean figuratively, I mean literal actual amnesia and what I’ve seen it do to a person and their loved ones. This is specifically talking about my Father’s mother. My dad took me to see my grandma cuz ya know, I couldn’t meet the one on my moms side cuz she died so my dad’s mom was the next best thing. Last time I met her was when I was a child but obviously I aint remember none of that so this was practically my first time meeting her. And man, it was kinda hard to watch my grandma not even recognize her own son. I remember reading one of my classmate’s blog posts that highlighted how amnesia was a good thing for her grandparent. If I remember correctly, it was Tenae’s post that spoke about how amnesia was somewhat freeing for her grandfather because he had forgotten all the crappy stuff that made him sad in life and he was able to live happily and content. And I found it very interesting because amnesia had an entirely different effect on my family.
It was pretty weird for your own grandma to not recognize you cuz grandma’s always love their grandkids, I didn’t feel bad about it cuz I didn’t really have that much of an emotional attachment to her cuz ya know I barely know her but it was sad seeing my dad frustrated with her condition and how she cant seemingly remember anything that much. So I guess all I had to say was how amnesia can affect us all, have it be figuratively when we seemingly lose ourselves and forget our own identity and culture or how we literally watch our loved ones forget us before our very eyes. All that we can do is keep moving forward and cherish the moments we have with our loved ones because you never know what can happen to you and those memories. That’s all from me, THANKS FOR WATCHING.
REFERENCES
Dijkstra, P., Gibbons, F. X., & Buunk, A. P. (2010). Social comparison theory. In J. E. Maddux & J. P. Tangney (Eds.), Social psychological foundations of clinical psychology (pp. 195–211). The Guilford Press.
https://youtu.be/TSfICk9E-Po?si=E41IUlKdu9XykD-x
https://youtu.be/vHWsdNAgn64?si=sYXafXGSS80Vc0oh
Tice, Diana, et al. (PDF) Two Kinds of Identity Crisis – Researchgate, Sept. 1985, http://www.researchgate.net/publication/227632098_Two_kinds_of_identity_crisis.
Truskauskaite-Kuneviciene, Inga, et al. “Does Trauma Shape Identity? Exploring the Links between Lifetime Trauma Exposure and Identity Status in Emerging Adulthood.” Frontiers, Frontiers, 18 Aug. 2020, http://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.570644/full.
professional, Cleveland Clinic medical. “Understanding Amnesia: Is It Memory Loss or Just Forgetfulness.” Cleveland Clinic, my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21455-amnesia.
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