Sylvia Wynter's Dream

Modeled Writing

Its my birthday today.

I’m 23. Strong, healthy and sound. It rains today but I keep my smile as I roam around. I found it. I sigh. Peering through the windows, I can see joy inside. Opening the doors, I can smell the fresh coffee and freshly baked goods.

I will my heart to beat faster, perhaps to match the moving feet around me. My smile never falters as I stare into strange faces. Holding hands, cheery expressions, the pulling and pushing of bodies. A continuous sound of pure delight fills the room like slowly pouring honey.

Its my birthday today I say to the barista. She wishes me luck with a smile. The type that doesn’t quiet reach the eyes but is very polite. I’ve been here before. She doesn’t remember, even though its only been two days. I’ve put more effort into my look as a way to celebrate.

Feet moving; three step, saida, side step, one. The intense dancing has begun. I stand there smiling, waiting, following with my eyes. Already the odd one out to nobody’s surprise. A soft hand reaches out “okay come on lets dance.” A young girl half my height commands. Relax, hold here, step back. We will work up to it.

Its my birthday today I say to my partner. She repositions my body. She wishes me a good day. Never making eye contact but never being cold. “Is it your first time here?”, “No, just first time at this class”. She nods and continues dancing. Not letting me slip from her grasp.

Eventually I learn the basics, on the spot, one step, side step, three step, four. My smile occasionally embarrassed after stepping on so many toes. My heart only wavering in fright as more people made small talk. “Oh no I came alone. I thought it would be fun”… “Well my friend cancelled because of the rain, maybe she’ll still come.”

I stayed until late, not having any other plans. Its my birthday today. I look around me. Where are all my friends?